Stress… it sucks

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Some of you have noticed I have taken some streams off or I may not have been my normal super bubbly self. I wanted to open up to you and share a little of my life so you know that you are not alone. I battle stress and anxiety everyday, as I know many of you battle on a daily basis. My biggest issue is I don’t know how to relieve my stress so it keeps building up more and more until I crack.

Stress is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. Stress comes in all forms and our bodies react differently to stress. Some handle it better than others. Whether your stress comes from social anxiety, a particular fear, poor time management, too much do, or anything else just know that you are not alone. There are people out there that do want to help you. However, there are people out there that want to see you fail and be miserable so chose your group of friends wisely.

Sadly, I can't tell you how to handle your stress. However I can tell you how I handle mine and that is an interesting story. I have a very bad habit of coming up with amazingly huge ideas then burning the candle at both ends. I put so much stress on myself to get everything working perfectly and I end up getting myself sick because I'm not sleeping much then my immune system goes down, and I end up getting sick. The way I handled stress was just to not deal with it. What I mean is I would distract myself with another big project to obsess over and start new stress with that project. It's not healthy at all and it finally caught up with me last week. I was a mess. I'll be honest, I was always running from my stress and constantly distracting myself. I never truly learned how to cope/release my stress. Let me tell you how horrible it feels to have the weight of the world on your shoulders and you can't let it go.

I am an artist in a sense; I am a professional photographer. I can't draw; I lack the patience needed to draw. I went to several art colleges and ended up graduating with a 4.0 in photography and digital art. I noticed that every six months or so I just needed to create a bunch twitch profile labels, banners, and/or overlays. I would spend about a week doing all this creative work and all I knew was that I HAD to do this. This need I felt lasted typically a week or so and then I felt more myself again. I never realized that this was how I relieved stress. A few weeks ago I got myself really stressed out again and I felt the need to create more banners. Since I wasn't on twitch anymore there was no need for me to create profile banners, I was at such a loss, I didn't know what to do. I just ignored that feeling and pushed on, further and further. One day I snapped and I couldn't handle it anymore. I sat and cried in my chair in my living room for two hours, I felt the world crushing me and I couldn't do a damn thing!

I took that night off from streaming and talked to my mods and we realized that I needed a way to relieve stress but couldn't figure out how. I now realize that doing the panels and banners was my way of releasing stress but a few weeks ago I was absolutely clueless. I ended up picking up two coloring books and some nice coloring pencils from amazon.com and just slipping back into an artistic mind where nothing mattered but what colors looked good next to each other. It was working! I felt the weight of the world being slightly lifted off me. In the end, when I finished my coloring pages ( Page 1 and Page 2 ) and several hours later I felt better. Not as good as I did after a week of doing twitch panels but still a little better than nothing.

I'm just happy that my mods were able to help me figure out how I could relax and relieve that pressure. I'm a firm believer it's because we have such great communication between us. They know me and I know them. If it wasn’t for them intervening once again, who knows where I would be at this moment. I owe them everything.

Until next time…

XOXO,
Kitty

KittyMB

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