You may or may not have noticed that I have taken the week off from streaming this. I have done it to help protect my mental health; I had a severe anxiety attack late last week. I know I've talked about anxiety and depression with streamers and gamers a few months ago, but I think I would like to touch on this again as I've discovered new stuff with myself and it might just help you.
Anxiety and depression typically go hand-in-hand and it's not a joking matter. Most don’t realize that 2 out of 5 people suffer from some mental health issue and from that only 33.3% actually seek help!?! I have talked to a lot of people that I trust and I'm finally doing something for me! I’m going to be part of that 33.3%! I’ve promised myself that I will work on my own mental health with a plan that will guide me in the right direction. This is not something that you need to battle by yourself nor should you. Most likely several of you reading this right now are fighting a small portion of this or you might be in the middle of a huge battle. Just know YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
An anxiety attack can be an intense feeling of fear, doom, foreboding, and gloom; a sudden urgency to escape, run away, or get out any way possible. The fear that you may lose control of your thoughts and actions; dizziness; nausea, and vomiting; a feeling like you might pass out. Trembling or shakiness, weakness, difficulty breathing, a pounding or racing heart. Hot or cold flashes, chest pain, hand and feet may feel numb, you might feel lightheaded or woozy. Irrational thoughts are common along a number of other physical, psychological, and emotional symptoms. So always be alert of your body and how you feel and make sure someone you love or trust is aware as well.
As a streamer, you should already be in constant communication with your moderators. Make sure you let them know what's going on with your mental health. I'm typically very good about open and honest communication with my #ModSquad, however, this was a battle I thought I was strong enough to fight on my own. I’m not good at expressing my thoughts, so I usually keep everything bottled up inside. Half the time I want to tell someone what I’m feeling, but I have no idea how to describe it so I end up just staying quiet. I felt embarrassed that I couldn't do everyday life tasks. I figured if I just took it one day at a time it would go away but it doesn't and it never will. It will always come back bigger, uglier, and scarier. It may take weeks, it may take months, it may take years, but unless we actually go about trying to fix it at the root, it will always be there.
I have contacted the people at Anxiety Gaming to talk to some of their doctors. They are going to help set me on the right path for my own Mental Wellness. I've also started doing some guided meditation with an app called Headspace that helps me learn how to relax my body. As I said in my blog about stress a few months ago, I honestly don't know how to relax my body; it I'm always in a constant state of alertness and tension. The stupid thing is, I am damaging myself and I don't know how to stop this downward spiral. So, I’m hoping between talking to a professional and learning how to meditate in a way that I’m more aware of my body that it will help my overall Mental Wellness.
With the HeadSpace app you can download it for free and it will give you a free 10 day trial. Every day it will give you a 10 min meditation guide, depending on your skill. Since I’m a noob at this, it literally holds my hand the whole way through which is REALLY nice for me. I’ll be honest I’m only on day 2 of the meditation app, however, I feel like a completely different Kitty after each session. I even remembered to use the guide when another attack was triggered tonight at dinner. It didn’t stop the attack but I was able to control it much better, which is progress in my eyes. If you end up getting the app, google for coupon codes; there are a bunch that will get you 3 months free when you purchase a 1 year subscription. With this subscription there is a children's section and many other areas to help with just normal day to day life.
I haven’t met with a doctor yet from Anxiety Gaming, however, from the 1st email I received from them they sound absolutely amazing. They were able to talk to me in a way I understand and put me at complete ease. I shared this email with a few people that I love and trust and they confirmed that this sounds like it will be purrrrfect for me. If you want to contact them they have a Twitter and a helpful Discord. They even have a “just vent” program you can do for free! If you are like me and money is an issue that is keeping you away from improving your mental health, do not be afraid to contact them. They will work out a plan that fits within your budget! They believe that everyone should be able to afford help and they even have scholorships that they award to people!
I promise to keep you updated with my mental health journey. If any of you are suffering or battling ANY sort of mental illness please go check out Anxiety Gaming and/or HeadSpace as they are both amazing companies who truly care about you and helping you. I love you all so much.
Until next time…